14-05-08

Never give up!

Dear readers... Omg... sounds like I'm writing in a diary I've never had :-) But ah well... Nothing's wrong with being polite I guess!

I wanted to write something special today. Because last week I've experienced something great. You know that feeling you get when you get tired of fighting? When you think that all efforts you do seem worthless? Well, I guess then you know how I must have felt like the last few months.

Ever since I began singing I've been struggling with some problems a singer can encounter: nerves, lack of focus, breath... but especially a wrong pitch. Some performances I did were bad, some of them were ok, but never ever I managed to perform with a controlled pitch. This has been a big frustration since no matter how well you do on stage... It never really sounds right with the wrong pitch. Lately this has really been bugging me! Coz I done like so many exercises, and when it finally started to work at home, at ease behind my piano, I still messed it up on stage.

Last Oldskool Jam I did was a big disaster: wrong song, wrong mood... louzy performance. I felt like I did the worst thing I've ever done on stage. Then in April I went to camp with the singing school and during rehearsals I felt physically bad. I felt like nothing in my body was going the right direction to express each single note the way I wanted. And that was it... After that feeling I started changing my way of studying and I started looking for some causes.

I do not know if that was the right thing to do, nor do I know if it had a big influence on me. I can only say that the future will tell. But last Friday there was an Oldskool Jam again (shame on you if you weren't there), and feeling a bit low I did not have many expectations. Went to rehearsal, did pretty ok (not bad, but not ace either) and then I went back home. Studying my songs over and over again and waiting to get back to the Jam. Like I was doing a job or so... When I arrived my mood was pretty ok. But as I said... I felt like singing, but with no expectations at all. One way I was thinking I couldn't do worse than last time, on the other hand I was thinking... I cannot fail... I'm finally going to have to prove myself... Not only to me, but also to those who have never ever lost faith in me... especially to those who never lost faith in me there where most people have. So, I got on stage and I was bloody nervous. I wasn't thinking very much when I crawled on stage. Just felt my heart beating in my throat. Then the music started, I counted the beats, let the chords wave into my soul, opened my mouth and just started singing. At that certain moment I felt like everything made sense again. My body wasn't screaming inside, but it was full with harmony and a good feeling. I felt so at ease and all excited at the same time. And for the very first time... I sang the way I wanted to... And you cannot believe how I was enjoying every second I stood there...

Well, this is a long story... But all I wanted to say, is that you never ever should give up. Because suddenly, and mostly when you least expect it, you'll find the missing pieces of the puzzle. I know this was only a one time experience and I felt like something struck upon me. So, I'm still analyzing the cause and I really hope I'll find it! I have a big exam in June coming up that will tell me if my thoughts are right. I bloody well hope they are

Maybe you wonder why I always continued doing this... Well... I'm confessing... It's not because I hate myself so much I love punishing myself   No, the truth is... I love this... It's been a part of me since the day I was born and it has moulded me into the person I am today. And although the road often seemed to be blurry, and sometimes I'd rather have sold my vocal chords to the devil... deep inside I've always believed in myself. And now (maybe if it was only once, but of course I hope it's not) it finally showed off. So... Dear readers... Never stop listening to your inner voice, never stop believing in yourself, never stop working, working, working your ass off... Sooner or later, you WILL be rewarded... And now... That's a promise!!!

21:39 Gepost door Inti Pop in Intermissions | Permalink | Commentaren (1) | Tags: life, stage, music, singing, breath |  Facebook |

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I'm so happy you found the way you wanted to.

Gepost door: cycli | 19-05-08

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